Blame Canada

A lot of people are under the impression that Canada, being English-speaking and not American, has basically the same culture as England. In some ways this is true. But if you really want to see the differences, move to Canada for 6 weeks and then go back. That's what I did last Wednesday.

I was visiting the UK for a friend's wedding. It was a really short trip (about 4 days), and, what with sleeping only 1 hour on the (night) flight over, it was all a bit disorientating. The first thing I noticed was the space. London is like an overpacked suitcase. There's so little parking that a lot of the roads have cars on either side, so only one car can get through and it takes about ten minutes to negotiate. None of the houses have space between them (unless you're a pop star in Notting Hill, and even then...). There are people everywhere - you can't walk down the street without shoving or being shoved. Living in London is the feeling of constantly being squeezed.

And then there's the prices. 30 dollars for a 15 minute cab ride, and the driver didn't know where Sloane Square was (so much for 'The Knowledge')!!! And how much for a Starbucks? Exsqueez me? 10 bucks for a coffee and a muffin? Were the beans picked under gunfire by mercenaries in Columbia or something? I don't know.

Anyway, I'll leave off the whingeing for a bit. Like I said, I went to Starbucks (in Borders, where they let you read the books for free while you have your coffee - in Canada you have to buy them first, so one up to England there). I knew how Canadian my thinking had become when I tried to calculate the tax on top (let's see...2.99...so that's about 50 cents...). Of course in England it's included. And when I'd finished my coffee, I tried to roll up the rim to see if I'd won anything
(here’s why: http://www.timhortons.com/en/about/marketing.html).

That evening, I went to see Kitsch in Sync rehearse (KIS is the accapella group I was part of in England, and loads of my good friends are from there). It was great to see all the old crowd (I say ‘old’, but it was only 6 weeks since I’d last seen them – it almost felt like I hadn’t been away). By the end of the evening, though, I was seriously tired. I walked out of the pub and saw all the traffic driving down the wrong side of the street, and it took me about 2 minutes to work out why. Switching continents is seriously disorientating!

The next day I met up with my friend Rachel (one of my bridesmaids). We met at Waterloo because that’s where her train came in – of course the trains in Britain are crap so she was late. I could go on forever about the horrendous state of the UK transport network, but instead I’ll just suggest sending hate mail to this address: mayor@london.gov.uk. Okay, so Ken’s only responsible for London, but you need someone to throw the darts at and I can’t think of anyone else (you could try Tony Blair).

Later I met up with my brother (and his fiancée – they seem to be in a perpetual state of engagement) and sister, which was great. The waitress at the restaurant was really friendly (and American – coincidence?). After dinner we tried to find something else to do, and spent absolutely ages trying to find somewhere that was open after 11. The only places we could find were crappy noisy clubs that charged a fiver to get in! There is a serious gap in the London market for things to do after the pubs shut, that don’t involve ecstasy and/or vast amounts of money. What I would have done for a 24 hour Tim Horton’s…

One more whinge point, before all the English people decide never to read my blog again. Is there something in the Londoners’ Bible that says “Thou shalt use thine eyes and facial expression to tell everyone to bugger off out of your way”? People there are seriously unfriendly. Most people let the door slam in your face, and when you hold the door open for them they don’t bother to say “thank you”. And try making conversation with a stranger! They’d sooner do you for harassment than answer you. In a city where everyone lives on top of each other, people have a weird way of wanting to be left alone.

Maybe I’m being slightly unfair. I took a bus to Tottenham Court Road, and the people on it were courteous, helpful and friendly. They gave up their seats for others, helped people onto the bus and said things to strangers (nice things!). So well done, people of the number 19 bus. I have to say though, you’re pretty unusual.

One good thing I’ve noticed about England is it’s beauty (outside London). No matter where on this planet I go, I always come back to England and marvel at its greenery. In contrast to the post-winter brown of Ontario, England looked like someone had spilt food dye everywhere. It was almost neon. And there’s nothing like thatched stone cottages and rolling hills dotted with sheep to bring back your national pride. The village where we had the wedding was especially beautiful, with all the flowers out and people in hats drinking champagne. Even Camilla looked nice (ahahaha…no, of course it wasn’t her wedding. I’m not that tacky, dahlings!).

So, anyway, it was a nice few days away but it’s good to be back in Canada. My husband’s here, half my family are here, we can afford a nice house (even though we haven’t got one yet), there’s loads of space, and strangers are friendly. I was making dinner and watching the sun set over the Hamilton skyline yesterday, and I could actually picture a time when England would be nothing more than a distant memory (although I’ll keep in touch with my friends and family there).

It helps that my career seems to be going pretty well here. Not only have I been published in the Grimsby News (here’s one of my articles: http://thegrimsbylincolnnews.com/april06_05/aaaGLN_Apr6_pp17-20.pdf), but I also had a chat with the managing editor and assistant managing editor at the Hamilton Spectator yesterday (it’s Hamilton’s daily paper, kind of like the Evening Standard is for London)! I’ve got to come up with some suggestions for stories and then they’ll tell me what they think. It could lead to some freelancing!!! Paid journalism here I come!!!

Finally, because I realize this entry is incredibly long, I’ve even managed to find somewhere to sing (without having things thrown at me)! It’s a female barbershop group (don’t laugh) and I went along last night. They’re good. They do paid gigs and competitions and everything. Their harmonies are perfect. Fortunately, after years of singing with Kitsch in Sync, I think I’m up to the challenge. I’d still prefer a musical, though – if I find one soon I’ll do it. I could even do a part that needs an English accent, like Mary Poppins or something. Cool!